Its my birthday and I'll blog if I want to....

So I kinda went off the whole blogging concept. To tell you the truth, it still seems a little wild and wooley for me. I write, to myself, almost every day and usually thats enough. I also feel a bit like a stalker sometimes reading other people's blogs and am way way more comfortable reading a good novel - I feel more at home living vicariously through fiction. Truth is too scary and up close for me. Someone's fears and disapointments, hopes and happiness written down on the page in the rawest form for all to read is, for me, too much information. I like a filter thanks.

Except today is my birthday and sometimes on your birthday you feel reflective and want to tell someone about it. I could ring someone, or I could send emails, but that involves listening as well and today I feel a bit selfish. Sometimes you've just gotta be out there.

Grief is a scary powerful thing. You think you can control it - you think its not affecting you. I am learning that grief is possibly one of the most driving forces in my life and has been for a long time. When it comes down to it, it seems to motivate almost every action and reaction in my life. I am trying to learn to accept it and live with it. I am trying to learn to be at peace with it. Sometimes I even feel like I'm getting there. Most of the time I know I am not.

The human body is a really beautiful thing. This morning I watched and tried to learn. I got a glimpse of the power that I could have if I wanted it. I want the control and tenacity to really give my body that kind of gift. I love watching someone who has undergone This afternoon I will ache because my body will remind me how far I still have to go.

I spend a lot of my time worrying about other people. What they think, how they feel, are they ok. Sometimes it becomes overwhelming. I am trying to let go a little and trust them to look worry about themselves. Having said that, I think its going to take more work because as I write this I am worrying :)

Roll on year.

memory lane...

I went to the fabulous "Gallileo's Gazing" event at Glenworth Valley on the weekend. I had a great time, even though we arrived after most of the collegia had finished. It was so nice to see lots of friends and just be outside and surrounded by trees.

On the way home we took a detour and stopped in at a little town called Mooney Mooney which I used to call home way back in 1983/1984. My mum was principal of the local school for 2 years - there were a whole 32 kids back then. Now the enrolment numbers have dropped so far that they have had to close the school, thus the school and the teacher's residence (where we lived) are now locked up. We had the good fortune to run into the maintenance person who let us look around while they mowed the grass..

I was glad to note that the enormous hill that I rode down without brakes on my bike and broke my collarbone on was still fucking enormous.

our old house now empty and run down

the school playground and school buildings

view from the main school building

Our old front porch. Used to look a lot more liveable!

BYE BYE FLU! Hello Happiness! so long fluiness...

Its been a bit of a struggle the last couple of weeks. I caught a horrid flu thing that has to be the worst flu thing that I have ever had. I have been ill a bit this year and I have to say that I am not impressed with it at all! I know that its because, as my mother would say, I burn the candle at both ends but I have been cutting back on reckless partying and mostly staying in for weeks and STILL I get the flu! It has been a bit of a stressful year though and I REALLY need a holiday.

What I hate about the flu:

• Sniffling
• Snot
• Dumb sore throat
• fevers that make you feel like you are going to collapse when you walk up the stairs
• no tastebuds (that one REALLY sux)
• blotchy head
• horrid sinus infection that came along with it, although at least I got antibiotics for that one
• not being able to go to the gym thus sabotaging my exercise routine.
• The expense of lemsips, antibiotics, strepsils, panadol and the doctors appointment (who told me I had the flu and identified the sinus infection but couldn't do much about it)

Other then having the flu though, life is pretty good at the moment. I am finally feeling like I have a little idea where my life is headed in the next 12 months and that is making me giddy with relief!

What is making me happy at the moment : (thanks for the pollyanna moment DV - thought I might have my own...)

• less pirates today
• feeling like the flu is almost gone
• I'm going to trivia tonight and I know the answer to the homework question
  
• Its nearly the weekend
• I am doing a new creative writing class on Saturday
• My boy has finally finished NIDA and is starting to get PAID work!
• My show is finally on stage
• Having my first opening night at the Opera House (with only one costume malfunction - shoe flew off! Not my fault!)
• That my boss and supervisor are happy with my work and my contract has been extended
• They are giving me a permanent job come January
• My next show has less pink flowers in it
• Its not too long till Dr Scruff comes back again
• My mum is hopefully moving home in December
• I'm finally feeling like sewing again (although I have no space to do it!)
• I'm gonna eat some wedges with sour cream and damn the calories!

So its finally all ok in Jimmyland. Lets hope it continues for a while. The only thing that would top it all off is a nice holiday - hmmm can't have everything!

What I need...

Was intrigued by Anti Ob's mememe on For Battle to type in your name and needs in google.

Apparently i need: -
1. to be refashioned in a more demure British "garb. . (odd)
2. this... (odder - what is "this"? )
3. _____. 06] (scary. And kind of techno.)
4. Your Help (very fucking scary)
5. help (repetitive and still scary)
6. to be pushed (violent and scary)
7.to lose weight and get a nice body in time for summer. (yes I did know this but I'm bothered that Google had to point it out to me).
8. Ford because he, too, has always been an outcast; (i do like JD Salinger but this is kinda creepy)
9. blood donors. (does google know something I don't?)
10. to-jet-set-around-the-world-again fund (yes yes yes. Bring it on! )

The upshot of the whole exercise? i should drink less and probably avoid ego searches on Google.

Still here!

Wow. New job, sewing project, unpleasant anniversary, facebook... not really helping the blogging.

I have been busy and sad but I am feeling better and not too bad today, although feeling like I need a holiday.

I saw Tales of Hoffmann Open Dress today which was cool because it was the first big show I ever bought at the Opera and it looks beautiful. Its a bit hard to be critical of something you have been working on for so long. It was so nice to be down at the opera house today given the beauty of the weather and the sun sparkling on the harbour. We were in the theatre a lot but we did get glimpses. It was also nice to hang out with Millie. I miss her and its nice we are building a relationship again. There is life after NIDA after all...

More soon. New month resolution... Blog More!!!

Out of the lounge....

I’m finally getting back into things a bit – less hibernating, more venturing beyond the confines of my loungeroom and I’m feeling better for it.

I have also started a biggish and vaguely ambitious (given the timespan) sewing project. This is helping too – nothing like getting into the “Zone” (the place I go when I am just working and things are happening the way I want). Its really nice to finally have time (and energy) to do some sewing that I WANT TO DO! Good for the soul.
Check out my plan in Girly frock blog. xxx

feebleness

I have been hiding a bit lately and hence not blogging. About two weeks ago I was overtaken by a great tiredness ("pungee" haha) and its taken me all this time to start feeling almost myself again. It has been a bit stressful changing jobs but that aside I just got knackered and needed a break. Luckily my boss let me take Thursday and Friday off last week and I have not had too much to write about because mostly I have been resting, sleeping, eating, resting and sitting on the couch since then. I realised (during my resting) that I have not really had any kind of break at all since I left NIDA and not only that, I was expecting to get one when my opera contract ended in June. So when my contract was extended I think my body/brain got very confused as the expected holiday did not eventuate and I just got very very run down (and felt like I had been run over). I was so tired it felt like I was ill! I am feeling better- normal tired rather then scary tired but I have very much been trying to take it easy and not doing anything to stressful or tiring as I don't want to bring the pungee back.

What have I been doing?
Shopping- 3 pairs of ballet flats for $20 each. Bargain! And one pair is sparkly!
Haircut - feels much better! NEW HAIR!!!
Movies - I saw Harry Potter 2 weeks ago which I loved. My that boy is growing up... (TOO YOUNG TOO YOUNG)
- I also saw the Simpsons Movie on Sunday which was unexpectedly hilarious. I have always been a bit of a simpsons fan, but just kind of forgot how funny it is. I really needed a cheer up and a good laugh and 2 hours in the cinema eating pods (still find that name funny) and laughing at Spider pig really did the trick.
Videos- I am almost through my 3 series box set of Inspector Lynleys. And now they are playing the new ones on Saturdays. I can never go out on Saturday nights again!
Manly - rather then a long drive short break long drive , Nick and I took the closer holiday option and caught the ferry to Manly on Friday and stayed over night in a lovely hotel. (bring on lastminute.com!) We ate yummy food at "Whitewater" restaraunt and got up and went for a walk along the beach in the sun on Saturday
Trivia - The GP has reinstated our trivia on Thursdays now so we sent a team ofMingers. Not only did we win the quiz but we won the Jackpot question too! We tied with one of the local guys Dave, but we still walked away with $40 each!
Sewing - I started working on my frock for R25. I am only up to the petticoat but at least I won't be nude!!!