Its my birthday and I'll blog if I want to....

So I kinda went off the whole blogging concept. To tell you the truth, it still seems a little wild and wooley for me. I write, to myself, almost every day and usually thats enough. I also feel a bit like a stalker sometimes reading other people's blogs and am way way more comfortable reading a good novel - I feel more at home living vicariously through fiction. Truth is too scary and up close for me. Someone's fears and disapointments, hopes and happiness written down on the page in the rawest form for all to read is, for me, too much information. I like a filter thanks.

Except today is my birthday and sometimes on your birthday you feel reflective and want to tell someone about it. I could ring someone, or I could send emails, but that involves listening as well and today I feel a bit selfish. Sometimes you've just gotta be out there.

Grief is a scary powerful thing. You think you can control it - you think its not affecting you. I am learning that grief is possibly one of the most driving forces in my life and has been for a long time. When it comes down to it, it seems to motivate almost every action and reaction in my life. I am trying to learn to accept it and live with it. I am trying to learn to be at peace with it. Sometimes I even feel like I'm getting there. Most of the time I know I am not.

The human body is a really beautiful thing. This morning I watched and tried to learn. I got a glimpse of the power that I could have if I wanted it. I want the control and tenacity to really give my body that kind of gift. I love watching someone who has undergone This afternoon I will ache because my body will remind me how far I still have to go.

I spend a lot of my time worrying about other people. What they think, how they feel, are they ok. Sometimes it becomes overwhelming. I am trying to let go a little and trust them to look worry about themselves. Having said that, I think its going to take more work because as I write this I am worrying :)

Roll on year.