its my birthday and...

Birthdays are a wierd thing! When you were a kid they were so exciting and you counted down the days. Now they just kind of faze me. Not because I am concerned about getting older - I don't care about that! ... more because I kind of want attention but don't want attention if you know what I mean. What I crave is a couple of people I love around me. Its hard now because I really miss my dad on my birthday - its a bittersweet day for me as I know he would have been first on the phone to say happy birthday and would have done something special for me.

Nothing else really cuts the mustard now he is gone.

This year I wasn't going to do anything. Mum and bro are both home for the first time in ages and I had planned to just hang out with them. Then we were going to have a gathering on Saturday to get some friends together as its the first time we have all three been together in a year.

Unfortunately the gathering had to move to Friday night as my bro has to go to melbourne. And now it has kind of turned into a birthday party when it wasn't meant to be. I will have a fun time, I just feel bad because I only originally invited only a few of my friends - ones who knew my mum and bro as well as me as it was meant to be about them. Now I have heaps of my friends coming (which is lovely and I am looking forward to seeing them) - its just that it now feels a lot all about me. I am also now worried I have offended people by inadvertently not inviting them to my "birthday party" when it actually is not my birthday party! I'm sure it will be fine - I'll drink lots of bacardi and fall in a heap! And hopefully won't sook about my dad.

So anyone who I have accidently offended, please DON'T BE OFFENDED - I do love you and I wasn't trying to single people out. I was just trying to keep it about my mum and bro instead of me.

And to anyone who things I am being overly neurotic and girly... read the title of my blog...
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